This is it

I park near a car at work with a license plate that reads "THIS IS IT".  It triggers thoughts nearly every time I pass by. 

This. Is. It. 

Most days it makes me think, 'live life to it's fullest! What a great day to be alive!'  Other days I think 'this is it? Really, this is it? I'm in such a rut.'  I need to get out and travel!  Use a day of vacation to go to the spa, lunch & a movie with my husband! Donate my time, not just money, to a good cause.

A manager that I work with suddenly lost her husband this week. I've always quietly admired this woman's vivacious attitude and love for life. Though I don't know her well personally, I do know that she holds her family very near to her heart. Nothing seems to come second to them. A husband, 12-year old son, and a daughter my age. They just welcomed a new baby boy to the family a couple months ago. Monday night she kissed her husband goodnight for the last time. He was 44 years old.

THIS. IS. IT.

In an idealistic world, I would contribute my time today to a good cause and assist someone in need.  A child in a troubled home, perhaps.  Or a mother experiencing such grief and depressoin that she's unable to care for her baby. An innocent family facing homelessness and hunger.  The list is endless.  The world is full of opportunities to make a difference.  But idealistic dreams aren't reality.  I work full time. I have two very young kids and a husband at home that steal my sleep and keep me busy beyond words.  They need me.  I work to provide for us and to make this life easier and more enjoyable.  I work now to inspire my kids to do the same.  To be doers.  I work now in hopes that I don't have to work forever.  In hopes that early retirement will be an option so that I can really enjoy freedom...later.  But what if "later" isn't in the cards for me?  It's so easy to get in a rut.  But it's not safe to assume that we'll see retirement.  This. Is It.  These are my new simple promises to myself and my family.

I will work hard at work. But I will leave work on time and join you with a smile. I will hug you and kiss you and be there for you every chance that I get. I will strive to live 'in the moment' and enjoy our time together. Be it at a dinner table with fussy children and cold food, or going down a slide with my daughter at a park, or watching Bryson learn to dance to music. I will pray for the Lord to watch over you every moment of every day. If I die tonight, I want you to remember my smile and know that you were the reason behind it.  I want you to know how much you were loved by me.  And how much you continue to be loved by God.  My life will end one day.  But God's love is eternal.  It is my job to teach my children this.

My prayers this week have included my co-worker and her family. I pray that she feels God's presence in the absence of her husband. If you are reading this, please add her to your prayer.